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For boys, he saw them realize they could not do better in life than their fathers had. For girls, he sensed that they became “matrons before they had become women,” meaning that they developed a single-minded focus on finding a husband and making him well-behaved and responsible. More than the changes caused by puberty, Baldwin was also alarmed by a change in attitude that he observed in his peers. He felt lost and conflicted in the midst of his discovery of sexuality, which was both exciting and terrifying. Baldwin clarifies that this sense of presence drove him to feel as though he could not predict what he or anyone else would do next. They not only changed physically, thanks to puberty they also seemed to become more “present,” in the same way that the criminals in the neighborhood seemed to him. Girls who were active in church-by singing in the choir or teaching Sunday school-and were the children of very religious parents began to suddenly seem tainted. More specifically, Baldwin recalls the transformation that occurred in his peers. All of these changes alarmed and unsettled the young Baldwin. In his immediate environment, most of his friends began to drink, smoke, and become sexually active. This fear stemmed from his growing awareness of the evil both within and without: his own pubescent thoughts, and the criminals and prostitutes he saw in his neighborhood. Baldwin also explains that he turned toward religion in the first place because, at this age, he first developed an acute sense of fear.
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He was drawn to a Christian interpretation of God because America was a Christian country, and this seemed to him like the only possible explanation. Baldwin clarifies that he means by this that he discovered the common Christian ideas: God, saints and angels, and hell.
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He introduces the setting as the summer that he “became fourteen,” during which he experienced a religious crisis. Baldwin begins a new essay, also referred to as a letter this one is not addressed to any one in particular, but rather from “a region in my mind.” Baldwin begins the essay by referring to an event in his own life, instead of summarizing his family history as he did in his letter to James.